Letters I Can't Send

Dear Helicopter Parent,
Because I allow my children to eat candy, hang upside down on the monkey bars, ride their bike on the street and do not attend every sporting event does not mean I am a neglectful, unloving parent.
Yours,
Non-Child Centered Mother

Dear fellow mom at the McDonald's PlayLand....
Children and their parents do not need to be flashed by your bare @$$ when you bend over, sit down, squat, whatever. Wear underwear that CYA...or better yet, get a BELT!
Sincerely,
Embarrassed Mama
*
Dear Husband:
Please get off the couch.
Please stop trying to convince me you are narcoleptic.
Please pick up your pants.
Love,
Your adoring wife

Dear fat on my body,
Pursuant to my personal provisions for my forthcoming career, you are hereby being evicted. You have 90 days to vacate. I demand you cooperate with my efforts. You can take your roommates Gray Hair and Wrinkles with you when you go, too.
Although I appreciate the extra effort you've shown in my chest, I no longer wish to carry your weight.

Signed,
Thelma Thick Thighs

*note: some of these are paraphrases from a board I visit, but they certainly pertain to many of us