I was a bit shocked to hear F from the living room shouting about condoms. Relax, he meant condors-those big ugly buzzards.
I have lately found myself saying things that make me want to bite off my tongue. Things like:
Because I'm your mother, that's why!
Go out and bring back some cash from the money tree and then we'll talk.
When you are 18 you can pierce and tattoo your whole body, until then you're stuck with ball point pen.
These were things my parents would have said. I am just as weird as my parents. Good Grief!
I've been working on weight loss. I like quotations, thus I have collected weight loss quotes. Another sign I'm weird.
" When life hands you lemons - make lemonade ... and then go find someone whose life has thrown them vodka and have a party!" ~unknown
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands and then eat just one of the pieces." - Judith Viorst
"Never eat more than you can lift." - Miss Piggy
"I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to." - Linda Evangalista
" Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart." - Erma Bombeck
"By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker." - Dave Barry
"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet." - Erma Bombeck
"Japanese food is very pretty and undoubtedly a suitable cuisine in Japan, which is largely populated by people of below average size. Hostesses hell-bent on serving such food to occidentals would be well advised to supplement it with something more substantial and to keep in mind that almost everybody likes french fries."-Fran Leibowitz
"I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over he'd have put diamonds on the floor." - Joan Rivers
"An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed."-AJ Leibling
"When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad." - Janette Barber